Sever thunderstorms for the Winona area all day. Bummer. Dark and gloomy skies and no sun to be seen. Since I bicycled to work Cherity drove my lunch to me. So, now I have extra time to tap away at the keyboard.
And on my lunch break what would I like to talk about? Here's a question.
When's the last time God talked to you? ...Or, what has God said to you this week?
Now, for the rest of you who are continuing to read... Did he talk to you this morning while you were walking the dog or eating your breakfast? If he talks to you, what does it sound like? What has he been saying. I was talking to Jon about this when we were at the Parent's house. I've had a curious question going through my mind since then. What would happen if I were to randomly ask 10 guys at the church I attend that question? I think if I were to be so bold I would have some who would answer honestly that they don't hear him, some may have something specific to say with enthusiasm, but I think mostly (and this is a total hunch, albeit cynical) I think the rest would be terrified due to how uncomfortable that type of situation would be (me asking THAT question). I'm not sure what it sounds like. The only thing I can think is that it is a rush of feeling or sudden solemn moments that hit you when your mind is wandering but then again maybe that's my own mind meandering. I commune in His world and I'm not sure what he wants. I'm told He wants a relationship with me. Some say you're just supposed to live your life fully and that will please the Lord. Others say that you should be doing some mission work telling some foreigner, as you stand on a soapbox, that you have never met before "the way". Some say get involved and some say get uninvolved with the structure of church and get involved with a relationship with God... Whatever that means. Does that mean praying every morning for half an hour? Am I doing fine now? and I just need to take care of my temper, apathy, and pride and then I'll be all set to die complete?... or do I need to finish raising my kids right and THEN I should be ready for Heaven?.. or maybe all my doubts about God that stem from the temptations of this world need to be purged and then I'll be fixed..? So many questions in life. I'm just pondering, but I know a lot of people have these same questions, especially those who were raised in a structured church. There's a lot of structure that's been fed in to my brain and a lot of it I don't know if I'll be able to let go of because it's so much a part of my subconscious. The structure quenches feeling. Something quenches it. Am I not an emotional person except for my rage for the annoying? or is it something that happened to me along the way? I don't know. Have you looked inside yourself today to see if God is there or if you can even really see yourself?
2 comments:
Hmmm, no one picked up on this thread. I wonder why...
What if the problem isn't that He doesn't speak, nor that we don't hear. What if the real problem is a language problem?
What if we met a race of people who didn't use their vocal chords to speak, but instead they used very subtle body language. To the point where their entire body was speaking all at once. Where every movement, every twitch, every bend of their arm was a message. How long would we have to be near them before we even realized that they were "speaking"?
I have a feeling that God's comments come in so many forms that we simply don't recognize them. Here are some of His "gestures" that I am keeping my eyes on:
--My desires (the internal dashboard lights). Read the first couple chapters of Nehemiah to know what I'm talking about.
--The changes of the seasons, and the invitation of nature overall. Don't the mountains or the rivers call out to us?
--Looks on people's faces.
--Changes in the wind. Like coincidences, or seeing something about Asia four times in one day, or a sudden memory of an old friend. They're like little gusts of wind somehow. Where do they come from?
We humans can communicate with each other through all of our senses. Speaking with the mouth is only one.
Think of how many ways God knows how to communicate. He invented all of them, and I think He still uses all of them.
I think I feel God's presence the most in "nature overall". There's definitely some sort of rush when their's nothing seperating you from the sky... or the earth.
I wish it were easier to tune out or turn off the buzzing in my ears (things that I allow to effect my focus). I would probably read a book on focusing your mind in a household of chaos, while having a Walter Mitty sorta daydreaming mind... if there were such a thing. I think maybe some of many father's uninvolvement at home is an internal desire to gain some focus by ignoring. I feel I do that sometimes and I see my own urges for that in other fathers doing the same space-offs. I don't know what the balance should be in concentrating on yourself and concentrating on others. I definitely miss His communication that may come through other people a lot.
My need is to nurture the senses that Hear God. It seems hard when so often you feel so numb. I can't remember who's blog talked about personal crisis making people act (oh wait that was a sermon! Hey! I can listen in church!:) but I think one anxiety that I think about occasionally is the future crisis that is bound to happen. I don't wish anything bad to happen and I'm of course terrified of it but I can see that people who have suffered definitely have an emotional/spirtual steroidal jolt helping them along. Seems like it heightens those senses. It's funny. I'm so superstitious (for lack of a better term) that I'm afraid to even write that because I might jinx my world and end up having to deal with some crisis tomorrow. Outa sight outa mind I guess...
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