Tuesday, December 15, 2020

 The Pandemic of Covid-19 has been going strong since March with reported devastation of about 300,000 Americans. There is now a vaccine so there is new hope! I'm stuck working from home and have been since March. I'd say it's been crazy but I would say it's been kind of boring. Can't go to sporting events, music events, etc. Have to wear a mask to the grocery store/public places. I was able to still go camping and hunting and really it's been sort of concerning how this hasn't effected me as much as maybe it has for other folks.  Has given me some time to reflect on possible things to do when the world opens up again. Also have spent way too much time in front of screens. I am definitely addicted to my phone. I hate it but at the same time there are things I wouldn't give up about having that sort of access at my fingertips. I need to find a structure to apply to my relationship with the stupid thing. Especially a problem during this time.  

Cherity just finished up her semester and has one semester left of classes and then needs to do a year long internship to graduate. From there she needs to figure out what she wants to do when she grows up. : ) I can't imagine having a double income and to tell you the truth I don't really believe it will actually happen. Won't believe it until I see I guess you could say. 

Owen has been in Platteville working for his Uncle Roy and Tony at their organic grocery store. I think he likes the work but I think he is going to come home in the spring or summer and will finish his associates and then decide what he wants to do from there. 

Sebastian has a girlfriend that he's been with for almost a year now. I think that was a blessing during Covid since he is such a social kid and a lot of his social outlets have been removed due to the pandemic. 

I've been working and running. Things are winding down a bit at work since we are coming up on Christmas and many people will be out for the holidays. Owen is flying home for Christmas and his birthday and we could drive back to Wisconsin after Christmas but not sure if that is a good idea with the pandemic, etc. We probably won't but may change our mind at the last minute.... 

So that's the update for now. I need to use this to just share random thoughts and not just use it for updates although there is value in this as well. 

Monday, February 10, 2020

Reflection

Just finished up with a run and pondering, again, how much time I want to put in to running, whether my body can hold up at my age, etc. I'm signed up for a Ragnar Ultra so that will help with the motivation until June.

There are many thoughts about teenagers, parenting, and spirituality that have challenged me over the last 5-10 years and it's been at a level of reflection that seems too personal to share but as the boys are getting to the final chapter's of their lives living with us I may feel more time is available to reflect or more time needs to be made available. Most of these thoughts have been internalized and some shared with Cherity. Life seems more complicated as your children become adults. Questioning whether there were better ways have caused a sense of anxiety. I am curious how I will feel about all of this in 10 years. I also fear the idea of '10 years out' at my age as that means, myself, and all those that are my age or older will be 10 years older than they are now. Yikes! While in my twenties that thought never even occurred to me. At this point it's more anxiety... Another topic placed in the closet to deal with later. I've been thinking about taking all these articles of my life out of the closet and hold them up to the light to get a look at them. The last 10 years have flown by and reflection is something I haven't done enough of but feel it's about time.   

Monday, August 27, 2018

Hello world

Just checking in.

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Blog Post!

It's been 2 years since I've typed on this thing! I kind of miss it. Here are some pictures from the Denver Science museum. I tried to catch Annie with her head between the Moose antlers. Didn't work. The other picture is of a T-REX costume/giant puppet. People were posing with their heads in the T-Rex's mouth  as this guy walked around wearing the T-rex costume. 

Friday, July 20, 2012


Death.

Once you left I think about it more. The reality of it taking me, although always apparent, became more real.

Grandparents die after a full life. Children of live parents do not. Sisters you call to tell that you are engaged do not. Sisters who you are excited to call when you have an exciting life event, who are excited for you.. do not leave. It is not in their DNA. The propensity for screwed up cell reproduction by diseases that are not understood by people that claim they are smarter than the rest of us....

I cannot find any room in me to be mad at a disease. Seems misguided.

I found your CD. It was a beautiful gift to all of us... to record your voice.  I can't believe there's not a phone number that will have your voice on the other end. It's stupid, grief. I'm going to die and so is everyone else who might read this.

It's empty. No where to place an emotion. What do I do with emptiness? Fill it with life until I die. I wish I could tell someone to f*** off and I wish he was death.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Rough January

Colds and all kids went through the Chicken Pox.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Saturday, July 16, 2011

10 1/2 months

... and she's walking across the living room with Mom's cell phone held to her ear.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

 

 

 

 
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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Cherity has the babe in a sling and is out for a walk. I've been tidying up a bit and the boys went down the street to a friends house. I've been listening to "How it Ends" by Divotchka over and over. Yesterday it was Radical Face's "Welcome Home". I love the video for that because the lead singer is a dopleganger for one of my old Friends Mike. Crazy. Songs great too.

Other than work I've been bouncing on an exercise ball with my arms wrapped around my baby girl. She loves the bouncing and it's an excuse to watch a heck of a lot of football. I'd be sick of it by now but some of the teams I root for have been winning so it's been tolerable. Been watching the world series from the ball as well. Other than that not too much.

Annalivia is easily consolable (unless she's in her car seat). Not to say she doesn't cry... she cries quite often but there's almost always something we can do to calm her down. Typically bouncing.

Cherity decided she wanted to go back to WI for Thanksgiving. The drive will be hell. We're thinking about maybe driving at night since baby girl hates her car seat.

While I'm on the negative train... It's going to be a rough winter in general with a demanding baby girl, shorter days and a father's inability to focus on multiple things. It is better in Denver with the constant sunny days. Even though it's always sunny in Denver the days are still just as short which means driving home from the office in the dark. There just isn't enough hours in the day to think about my soul or what it needs or if what my soul needs is what is most important or important at all. It's been mainly about the little things. Stopping the boys from fighting, shutting the boys up while Annalivia is sleeping, bouncing Annalivia asleep, checking football scores because I don't have much time to do much else in 2 minutes moments of down time. Checking scores is one of those things you can do while your waiting for something. It seems pathetic but I guess I figure (like everyone else does) if I've got down time and internet in my hand why not do something with it... Yeah, that's a lame excuse. I'm in a lull right now but it's for a good cause... right? Time for a little Andrew Bird...

The sun will go down soon and Owen will be a knight and Seb will be a ninja. The baby girl is a package of beatifullness and awesomeness and Cherity is home with her now so I'm going to get my baby fix now... and as usual I'm not going to re-read this post for errors because I don't have time.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

The Birth

The due date was August 22nd and Cherity's Sister and Father booked a ticket that had a return flight on August 28th during the day. The 22nd came and went and Cherity finally started having contractions on Thursday. She told me that she might have to call me home that afternoon based on how the contractions were going. She didn't and the contractions subsided and pretty much stopped altogether. Friday morning I actually stayed home because Cherity was once again having contractions. Cherity got very stressed out because she felt bad that her sister and dad would miss the new arrival. I think we went for four walks on Friday. Some of the contractions started to come on again during our evening walk. Even to the point that she had to stop in the middle of walking across a street to wait for the contraction to subside. They were still pretty far apart and nothing was worth getting excited about yet. We went to bed.

Cherity woke me up at 1:00 AM and said that contractions were coming on at regular intervals. So my excitement set in, Robin was soon awake, and we started getting things setup: lit the candles, setup the relaxing music on the computer, put the plastic liner in the birthing tub, put the plastic under the birth tub, filled the birth tub, checked the birth tub water temperature, etc. That was the easy stuff, Cherity was doing the real work. She had her game face on and was working through each painful contraction. She was handling them with amazing composure, quiet and focused. About 5-8 minutes apart. I wondered aloud if we should call the midwives yet. When Sebastian was born the contractions were heavy like this and went on for hours. I think when Cherity went in to labor with Seb it was started at 3:00 in the morning, he was born at 7:00 in the evening. It was 2:00 AM now. We would wait another hour. When Cherity would lay down the contractions were much more intense but further apart, when standing they would get closer together and were not as intense. An hour passed and they were consistent and strong. Just to be safe we decided it was best to call our midwife, Julie. We didn't want to wake the midwives if it was too early for no reason but didn't want to make the mistake of waiting too long. I called and told her what the situation was and Julie later said that she thought I said that the contractions would slow down when Cherity would stand up. That will have to be left up for debate: ) Either way Julie said she would get her stuff together and head over just to be safe. I hung up the phone and Robin and I worked on trying to comfort Cherity the best we could which is a pretty helpless feeling.

Somewhere around 3:45 to 3:55 the contractions started to pile on. Less than a minute apart if I'm remembering correctly. This is when things REALLY started to speed up. I called Julie just to see where she was at. I was still pretty calm at this point, a little concerned, but still calm. Julie was on Hampden and had just crossed Hampden. Hampden ave. and Hampden circle was about 8 minutes from our house. Good. That's a tolerable amount of time to wait. I hung up the phone and Cherity is in the birthing tub being very vocal during her contractions. As soon as one finishes another comes on. I can't remember if Robin said "I think she needs to push" or "I think she's pushing". Either way I'm having trouble processing this information but Cherity is definitely responding to some primal instinct and I'm a little frantic and immediately juiced. At this point some of the details are a little hazy. Cherity said later that Robin tried to feel for the head and Cherity had told her something like "Don't touch me!"... something to that effect. At that point I don't remember if Robin had said the heads out although I think that's what I was told by Cherity later. I don't think I believed her because I specifically remember putting my hands down to feel and feeling a little infants head and saying something like, and since I can't remember I'll paraphrase "Holy Crap! The baby's head is out!" Robin was on one side of the tub and I was on the other and it seemed like an awkward reach to catch the baby for me. I was in shorts and a t-shirt so I briskly stepped in to the birth tub because I wanted a better feel and there was no way this baby was going to drop without me catching her although since Cherity was in water my fears probably weren't warranted. Either way, I wasn't taking any chances and as soon as I was in the tub I could feel Annalivia's nose and cheeks... and I was amazed again. Robin said later that she was worried about the baby getting stuck where the head is out but the shoulders were stuck. I was just thinking "push it out!" I can't remember what I said but I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. Cherity was on her hands and knees and Robin told Cherity to turn around so she could take the baby right to her chest as soon as she came out since the umbilical cord would still have the two of them attached. I think somewhere about this point Cherity's primal instinct met up with her cerebral thought processes because she was asking questions now when Robin would recommend doing anything. It would have been nice to have video because how I remember things and how they happened I'm not quite sure of. I remember after she turned to face me that there were two more pushes. The first one, I think, pushed the baby's head completely out and the second shot Annalivia completely out in to my hands. I handed the tiny little masterpiece to Cherity. There was probably a half second pause before Annalivia started crying.... she was showing off her new lungs. She was not too happy with how things went down.

I forgot to mention that when the contractions started to come on hard Cherity had quickly said between the contractions "Go get the boys!" Which was another adrenaline push for me because I knew something was serious. Cherity had wanted the boys to be there for the birth. Cherity's mom went down the stairs and by the time she actually got the boys awake and the boys and Grandma and Grandpa were headed up the stairs Annalivia was crying in Cherity's arms. Seb didn't want to come in the room and Owen was the opposite. He wanted to drink in the whole experience. It took a while for Seb to come in the room to see the baby but he had a sheepish smile on his face. I still don't think Sebby knows what to think about all of this.

So Cherity is in the Birthing tub sitting there with a grayish purple baby with placenta blood on her little head screaming her head off. I'm standing there soaking wet watcing this; and Robin is helping Cherity situate herself. My number one thought at this point was "boy or girl?" and second was "where's the midwife?". I checked the window from the bedroom and saw her car heading up the road. I ran out to the front and got there as she had pulled to the side of the road and was getting out. I just said something to the effect "the baby's already born". Her response was "What!?". A lot can happen in 5-10 minutes.

The rest is all details. Jennifer, Julie's assistant, showed up five minutes later and I think said the same thing as she walked up the stairs "What?!" and then she started trucking it up the steps.

So that's it. The result: a very annoyed 19 3/8" long, 6 pounds 3 ounces beautiful little girl who is so tiny and perfect I can't believe it.

Of all the congratulations I've received via email etc... was when my brother-in-law Jon emailed and stated the following:

I should also say, congratulations Doctor!! That musta been nerve wracking. You've done something very few have ever done.

It's a picture of what you'll be for her for the rest of her life. There to catch her!

Love you, man.